Alright, one of these days I will have more uplifting posts. It’s not the time right now. As I sit here watching The Great British Bake-off for the 10th time, I realize the familiarity of the show brings me peace and joy. And that is exactly what I want and need now.
Let’s see, what has changed? After my trip to Panama in July, I got over the first big experience without my mom and I am still here. It was painful. I sat by the ocean every morning and just thought about how much I wished to share that moment with her. The fields looked a lot like Bangladesh and I wanted to call and show her the beautiful green and flooded fields. It was a beautiful and painful trip. I’m glad I went through it because all these ‘firsts’ are extremely hard but I know I’ll survive.
I took a class with the wonderful Room Project with writer Lisa O’Neil and it was exactly what I needed. Her laugh and lyrical way of running the class helped me focused on my art and was therapy for my soul. I think I found my style of writing. More to come on that.
I’ve had some downs at work. I am a first time executive and the culture change was the biggest unexpected shock. I keep work separate, but here is some unsolicited advice to first time white-collar workers: don’t let people have the power over you and question your worth. On the flip, I’ve never been is such a supportive environment and also circled by so much hate. It’s weird and I am learning mucho.
I miss my mom all the time. Every time I open my phone, it still brings her up as a frequent contact. I don’t know how I’ll react the day it stops. My sister froze her number, so I can’t call the line but we know that her number will forever stay as hers. I also realized that I don’t have my dad’s number in my memory, so there is that.
I am starting to see friends again and get back into my life. I have also realized that what I lost with my mom I can’t expect to gain in my dad. My dad is who he is and he is going through a pain of losing his other half. I can’t even begin to imagine the loss he feels. The reality is that he is a good dad, maybe not the dad I needed, but he is a good one. And we had a big win, he isn’t showing that he is upset when I leave the house for my apartment. We are accepting each other.
I’m going to see a psychic tomorrow. Judge me if you want. I think I’d like to write about the experience.
Stay sexy hoes! Besos and ummas.