Advice from a Bengali Mother

My mother is a fighter. She lived through displacement, genocide, the loss of her own mother, and watched her body weaken. And despite everything, she lived a life most would envy. She married for love and raised a beautiful family of kind-hearted adults.

You can’t avoid suffering in life. And if you think you can, than you haven’t loved enough, because the cost of loving in this world is grief. My family is paying heavily.

Despite the pain, I’d do it all over again. I am very blessed to have this certain person in my life. Let’s call him, 80’s. He will get it and it’s better no one else does. He inspired this post. Which is to remember everything my beautiful mother said.

80’s said the nicest thing to me at my mom’s zanaaza; he said about 1,000 kind and supportive things, including, I will forget everything he said. This one I remembered, “She will keep teaching you lessons.”

Thinking back on my life, I have forgotten a lot of my grandmother’s sayings. It’s been 15 years since she passed. Her lessons of kindness and family is what I remember the most. Below are some of my favorite lessons she taught me.

1. If you got it, flaunt it.
2. Dark skin is beautiful
3. Travel the whole world while you can
4. Keep your body healthy because there will be a point when you can’t reverse the damage
5. You will have to make compromises in relationships
6. Men need direction in a relationship
   1. What she really said was ” you need to tell him what to do.”
7. Always love your parents because time is limited 🙁
8. If you don’t feel good about yourself, at least look your best
9. Never settle for someone who does not respect your culture or religion
10. Do not marry a man who is scared of, controlled by, or disrespects his mother
11. Happiness and family-time is more important than money and material success
12. Keep a pot of hot water nearby when you’re cooking curry and make something Bengali by adding Thai chilis and cilantro
13. Only offer help out of the kindness of your heart and don’t throw it in peoples faces
14. Never kick someone in the stomach when they are hungry (don’t kick them when they are down)
    1. This is a bonus because she said my grandma used to say this
15. Never go to bed angry

My mom isn’t perfect. I am not saying she is. But when people give up the ghost, all you remember are the good time. And I’m okay with that right now.

From Mama Miah to you. My mom’s lessons are now your lessons. You’re welcome.