I am embarking on a six-month journey with a trainer who will guide my diet and exercise. Despite my aversion to people telling me what to do, I’m giving this a shot, and I’ll be tracking my progress here. No TikTok or social media, just this safe space for my 0.9 viewers.
Today marks my last day as my old self. It might sound cheesy, but my trainer got me reflecting. When he asked what I see in the mirror, I found myself in tears. Sometimes I am soft. The 12 years watching my mom grow weaker messed me up, altering my self-perception. The last two years I’ve felt untethered, but my trainer’s words resonated, echoing what my sister had said. I was there for all the good and bad with my mom. This grief coils and rests in my brain and heart.
I grew up in a collectivistic culture in the West. The hallmark of the culture is we are taught to live for others. My accomplishments are for my parents. My goals were to make them proud. And now that I am losing my collective, I am finding myself more confused about who I am and what I want in life. Let me be clear, this isn’t a pity party. I have an incredible family and a beautiful set of friends. I have a job that makes a difference and allows me to live a comfortable life. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am just trying to figure out how I fit in and what I want out of life.
Trainer inspired me to log this, mentioning how my mindset might change as I lose weight. The physical will change but I am interested in what else changes.
My goal is to reach the ‘one-derlands,’ as my inspiration Edub puts it. She’s nearly there, and her journey motivates me more than she realizes.
I kept with the diet plan and found the recommended amount of water was difficult. The exercises take a lot of time but my motivation was there this past week.
Things you might want to know about the process:
- How did I find my trainer? A colleague introduced us; he worked with them.
- Why him? He gets results, makes me laugh, and is kind. He’s like my boater cousin. I hope he doesn’t read this. We both think modern medicine is a cycle meant to keep us weak and sick.
- Why a trainer? After ten years of trying on my own, I need guidance and support.
- Impact on lifestyle? A lot. Family and friends meet to eat. I hope not to sacrifice relationships but am prepared if I do.
Feel free to ask about why and how I picked my trainer.
The summary below is inspired by someone I recently met.
Current weight: fuck off
Outlook for next week: Excited
Current number of steps: 3,337
Songs: He wasn’t man enough for me by Toni Braxton
What’s my problem today: I want Thai food