If I go to tarot one more time please commit me to a wellness resort. I realized that there are three groups of people in my life: the ones who knew me and my mom’s relationship, those who didn’t, and those who didn’t and I can open up to them about her. There is a turning point where most people stop asking and life goes on. People stop asking how I’m doing and for me, the anger is building. They wonder why I’m quiet or need more time to myself or do weird things like morning breath practices or mirror high-fives. I miss her. And now I am stuck trying to find the gratitude in what is left of my life. Because I know my grief will continue to grow as big as my love and I love like hell.
I am at a point of extreme burnout because I am trying to fill my life with activities and not taking time to rest, reflect and process. I started my 40 days of mediation and breath-work in my yoga teacher training, in a tarot course, and some how signed up for a half marathon in NYC. The breath-work is incredible. I do breath of fire and sit for 5-10 minutes in my thoughts. It’s been helpful and I recommend it to anyone who feels lost. I like the occult more than I am willing to admit to myself or others.
For anyone on this journey, I love you and see you. Its not linear and it’s hard to make sense of it. The holiday times are rough so take time to sit in the uncomfortable thoughts and make time for the people you love. That is all that matters in the end.